Overcoming Fears and Taming the Ego

As most of you probably know, I went on a road trip back in July. The intent was to climb the Guadalupe Peak, the highest point in Texas. I didn’t make it to the top.

I did not succeed, because I wasn’t even able to make an effort. The apparent reason (read: excuse) was that the rent-a-car company wanted a lot more than their advertised rates because they happened to be in “short supply” that day. The fact was, and I conveniently chose to ignore it, that I didn’t make the reservation when I checked the rates and now it was more expensive. The truth, however, was not to be found in either of these scenarios.

Make the most of the situation …

As I roamed about in El Paso, since the next leg in my journey didn’t start for another ten hours, I met a young couple from Britain who was back packing through the USA on the final leg of their one year sabbatical. They had already been to Australia, SE Asia, and parts of Europe before arriving in USA and planned to return home early September.

I also met four teenagers, a Brit, a Frenchman, and two Germans who were backpacking through the USA as well. They didn’t know each other when they arrived here and they all had different schedules, they ran into each other while travelling and decided to travel together as much as they can and pool their resources.

A few days later, I met a woman in her late fifties, early sixties who was from Philippines and was on a nomadic voyage of her own. Meeting these other nomads was definitely the highlight of my trip. But I digress.

I left El Paso, TX for Flagstaff, AZ where I would make a connection for Grand Canyon the next day. I got to Albuquerque, NM around midnight and had to change the bus. My connection, leaving at 2:30 AM was over booked and we were told that we would have to take the 7:20 bus instead. I was bummed out. That would mean I would have to spend a day in Flagstaff to make my connection to grand canyon the following day, as I planned on taking the morning bus to Grand Canyon and returning to Flagstaff by the evening bus.

… when things don’t go according to plan.

I decided to go for my daily walk around downtown Albuquerque in the early morning hoping I’d catch the sunrise while I was out and about. In the early rays of dawn, I realized that there were mountains around Albuquerque. Maybe I can climb one of these mountains instead. Wow, what an exciting thought that was. I went into the bus station and made arrangements for taking a later bus and headed for the mountains, armed with the info provided by the security guard at the Greyhound bus station.

He told me that if I took the Metro up to the Tramway Drive, I can walk up to where they offer a tram ride up the mountain, or climb the mountain using one of the trails and ride the tram back down if I wanted to.

What ensued next was a series of miscommunication (read: my inability to listen to what people were telling me) that had me walk twelve miles to get to the tram.

At this point I had neither the energy nor the time to climb the mountain, so I took the tram up the mountain, and rode it back down half an hour later. Walked another seven miles to catch a different Metro route that took me back downtown. I had missed a second opportunity to climb a mountain.

This is when a voice in my head whispered, “If things don’t go according to plan, it is because the Universe has grander plans for you.” I realized that I had learned a few things about myself in the process.

I walked nineteen miles in pursuit of something that I felt was important. I had never done that, not even in my younger more vibrant days, but most importantly, I knew I had the energy, will, and determination to walk more, if I wanted/needed to.

I also felt at the time that climbing the mountain may not have happened for me because I wasn’t adequately prepared for it. In the hindsight, I feel that I would have made it to the top of Guadalupe Peak, but the experience and wisdom I gained by not making it would have been missed, and gaining that experience was the grander plan.

My plans for going to the Grand Canyon and hiking down the gorge were botched again 24 hours later, when they oversold the seats on the same schedule yet again. This time they had stranded enough passengers to run another bus two hours later, but that didn’t help me make my connection. So, now, I was stranded in Flagstaff.

Take responsibility for your situation

It would be easier for me to blame it all on Greyhound and their incompetence to run an effective system, I realize that I had to take some responsibility for the lack of proper planning on my part, or having a plan B, just in case. This allowed me to reflect on my situation, not just the situation at hand, but overall situation in life.

I did a lot of reflecting, contemplating, and writing. I had at least three posts for my blog that I was going to type in and publish as soon as I returned home. Two weeks later, I had not posted any of them.

As a matter of fact, I didn’t post anything at all for the first week back. My readers were concerned and started to email me. One reader asked, “hey man, did you make it down from the mountain o.k.? haven’t heard from you.” I blamed it on procrastination, but deep down I knew that wasn’t the truth.

So, what was the truth?

The truth was that I was focusing too much on what didn’t happen and how embarrassing it would be to talk about on the blog. I imagined that all of my readership will abandon me. It would be the end of my blogging career, and my dreams of living a nomadic lifestyle. It was just too painful.

But when my loyal readers started emailing me, one even called me on the phone and left a message, I had to spring back in the action. I made several posts last week, but they weren’t genuine, except for an interview that was supposed to have been published before I left.

I finally had to come to terms with myself, and face the truth. My fears were not based in reality, they were driven by the ego. The ego sees any kind of change as life threatening. Transformation scare the ego, because it is not just change, it is life altering change, and I was scared.

Life’s Funny Lessons

Then one day last week, I woke up with a clear and dominant thought ringing in my head. “You are where you are because there is no other place where you possibly can be. Everything in your past has contributed to your arrival where you are. Be grateful for everything.”

Slowly, I started seeing the wisdom in everything that has happened, especially in the last few weeks, leading up to and since my road trip. There have been synchronicity, “grander plans,” and a repeat of the “same old, same old.”

Life offers you lessons at every turn. When you learn you r lesson, you move on to the next one. When you don’t apply the lesson you have learned when the time comes, life offers you a refresher that looks like “same old, same old.”

Take heart in knowing that nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, in life is a waste or without purpose or meaningless, and if you are to find use or some meaning in your life events, you must be willing to face your fears, accept failure, and tame your ego on your path of transformation.

What fears did you have to face? How did you tame your ego? Share your experiences in the comments below.

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